


always remember

by chennuwu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 20:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18858508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chennuwu/pseuds/chennuwu
Summary: " jaemin hyung, i'm sleepy, " chenle whispered out, vision going blurry as he rests his head against the broad chest of the older, the injured arm laying lifelessly by his side.





	always remember

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is the very first writing that i'm uploading on a03 so i hope it conveys the emotions properly! any amount of support will be very much appreciated hehe, enjoy reading! <3

  chenle sniffled as he drags the razor across his forearm for the nth time, feeling euphoric as every drag makes him feel less numb. the blood oozing out from the previous cuts has already stained the tips of his fingertips making him smile _sickly_ at the gory preview.

 

just as he was about to form a deeper cut, the door to his bedroom was swung open, the soft voice of jaemin filling the empty room effectively stopping chenle from sniffling. his back was facing the door, hiding any evidence of the artwork he's doing.

 

" hey, lele! have you seen my red hoodie? the one you wore yesterday? " jaemin asked, oblivious to the frenzy he's putting chenle in. the said boy took a deep breath and before he could even answer, the older was already bending in front of his bed, looking under it, sounds of distress being emitted as he pulled articles after articles beneath there.

 

" aaa here it is! thanks le- what the _**fuck**_! " and in a split second, the razor was out of his hold and thrown into the bin by his bed. the older was screaming profanities, and chenle couldn't decipher if he was angry or worried. but before he could think further, jaemin had taken his used shirt to serve as a makeshift bandage and wrap it around chenle's bloody arm. " chenle! " looking up, he saw the look of panic and worry in jaemin's eyes as he tied a knot around his forearm.

 

and  _god_ , chenle would do anything to not see the look of hurt that flashed in jaemin's eyes as he felt the blood soaking through the shirt.

 

" h-hyung, " with no more adrenaline of rush or euphoria in his system, the prickling pain from the cuts he inflicted came back in full blast making him wince in pain at every slight movement the older made. " chenle, you're gonna be okay baby. hyung promise, " jaemin said out, before kissing the younger's forehead and then putting his arms under chenle's back and knee, effectively carrying him bridal style and out from the room.

 

" jaemin hyung, i'm sleepy, " chenle whispered out, vision going blurry as he rests his head against the broad chest of the older, the injured arm laying lifelessly by his side.

 

" fuck, " jaemin cursed, making hurried steps towards the kitchen where the others are gathered for brunch, " guys we have to go to the hospital now! " he cried out, holding chenle closer to him. the sudden scream startled them all, making every conversation halt to a stop as jisung jumped from his seat already grabbing a box. " hyung, i need you to calm down okay, " jisung breathed out, hands shaking while packing up portions of their brunch into a box for chenle.

 

he _**knew** _about chenle's self-harming, he knew it could get worse at times but this was the worst judging by the fat droplets of blood dripping from his cuts and to the flooring. 

 

" h-he's bleeding so much oh my god, " haechan stated, hand covering his mouth when he sees the blood dripping down his fingers. " fuck fuck _**fuck**_ , okay jeno renjun please call taeyong and inform about the situation. hyuck you pack chenle's belonging and bring it along later on, " mark instructed as he took three pairs of shoes, already ushering jaemin out, " jisung, wear your shoes now, you're following, " mark finalized before starting the engine of the company's car.

 

the youngest hurriedly put on his shoes before slamming the door shut behind him and rushing forward to help jaemin place chenle in the backseat of the car. taking his place on the right side of the seat, jisung gently cradled chenle's head on his lap as jaemin took a seat on the passenger seat and then the four of them rushed to the hospital.

 

" h-hey chenle, can you hear me? " jisung whispered, fingers brushing away the strands of hair on the older's face. his face as pale as a sheet of paper, decorated with beads of perspiration and a few smudges of blood, probably from jaemin's attempt to wipe away his tears. " it _hurts_ sung, " chenle whimpered, hand coming forward to tighten the hold of the shirt on his forearm.

 

" you'll be okay chenle, you've gone through this, you'll be okay, i promise" the younger replied, hands grabbing hold of chenle's, giving him an anchor. mark and jaemin who were seated at the front could only share a worried glance. stepping harder into the gas pedal, they drove faster than before towards the hospital. minutes later, the door of the car was opened and chenle was scooped up in mark's arm and the three of them running towards the emergency.

 

" i-i'm sorry hyungs, " chenle said, eyes almost falling shut,

 

" i'm sorry sung-ah, "

 

 

the waiting time seemed to be forever as the three of them stay seated outside of the emergency room. jisung hadn't stopped crying, his heart gnawing in pain knowing that his best friend had harmed himself to point of danger.

 

" there they are! " jaemin whipped his head to the source of the voice and found the rest of the members along with taeyong, doyoung and the manager in toll. the oldest immediately took a seat next to jisung, before gently cradling the younger's head from jaemin to his neck. " you'll be okay jisungie, chenle is strong, " taeyong repeatedly said as he rubbed soothing circles on jisung's back. jaemin took the responsibility of informing what happened to the manager as mark went and console the rest of the '00 liners who's sobbing under doyoung's hold.

 

" okay thank you jaemin, i'll let you guys be by yourselves while i make a report with the higher-ups. taeyong doyoung please take care of them, " the manager said before walking off.

 

just then jaemin fell to his knees, not caring that he's wearing shorts and that his knees are exposed to chances of abrasion due to the fall. tears falling immediately, he began sobbing, fisting chenle's jacket that the younger had previously worn.

 

 _he was late. what could've happened, if he were late by a second? would chenle_ -

 

he didn't even want to think of the bad possibilities. the horrifying thoughts were stopped thankfully by the comforting arms that wrapped around him. " he's gonna be okay jaemin, you got to him on time, " doyoung comforted, leaving a soft kiss on the younger's head.

 

two to three hours later, the doctor came out from the room and everyone almost rushed to him had not taeyong put a hand to stop. " i'll hear it first okay? " the oldest said in which everyone nodded. after hearing what happened, taeyong walked back to the others with a small smile etched on his face. " chenle's okay, " he breathed out in relief,

 

" he lost a lot of blood but he's okay now, " taeyong added, before bringing jaemin and jisung to his embrace, letting the two boys cry in relief to his chest. gently rubbing their back, he saw doyoung hugging jeno and renjun while muttering ' chenle is okay ' as he also let them both cry to his chest. he saw mark and haechan hugging each other and crying, both crying tears of relief and happiness.

 

jisung was the first one to pull out from the hug, eyes bloodshot and cheeks puffy. " can i see him first hyung? " he rasped out, tightening his hold on jaemin's hand as a sense of comfort and permission. " okay, be careful sungie, " taeyong replied before leaning forward to leave a kiss to the younger's forehead.

 

entering the room, jisung saw his best friend resting against the pillow on his back, eyes staring at his bandaged forearm. gently closing the door to not surprise the older, he slowly moved towards chenle before taking a seat on the chair next to his bed.

 

" hey lele, " jisung greeted, hands immediately taking chenle's in a firm grip.

 

" hey sungie, " chenle replied, a small smile on his face.

 

hearing his best friend's voice, hearing that he's okay and that he's no longer in pain made jisung heave out a breath of relief. " how are you? " he asked, stroking the back of chenle's hand with his thumb. " apologetic, " the older confessed, voice cracking at the end. and that was all it took for jisung to climb up the bed and fitting his long limbs aside to chenle's, his left arm serving as a makeshift pillow for chenle's head while the free hand cradle his head to the crook of his neck.

 

" talk to me chenle, please, " jisung whispered into the crown of the older's head.

 

that was enough to push chenle into a frenzy of emotions: sobbing into jisung's neck as he voiced out his deepest insecurity. he goes on and on about how loud the voices in his head get especially when he receives hate. he confessed about the unhealthy things he's been doing to be "perfect" for the upcoming comeback.

 

" i'm sorry jisung, " chenle finally said it as he wiped his tears. " you're not at fault lele, it's okay. we'll get through it okay? i promise, "

 

it could've been minutes later when there were knocks on the door and the soft sound of the door opening. jisung turned his head around just to see the rest of the members flowing into the room with relief smiles on their faces. locking eyes with jaemin, he smiled and nodded before unlatching himself from chenle allowing jaemin to takes his place as he walked towards the others.

 

" you okay buddy? " mark asked, fingers coming forward to rub the younger's ears in affection.

 

" y-yeah, " but judging from the way his lips trembled, mark knew the younger was still affected and hence chose to pull the younger towards the corner and into his chest. " cry it out jisung, it'll feel better soon, " mark advice, hands rubbing soothing circles on his back. and true enough, not even seconds later, the sounds of sobbing could be heard as jisung wretched out painful sobs into mark's chest.

 

taeyong and doyoung who watched from afar could only frown in sadness before opting to go to the cafeteria downstairs to buy food for the dreamies. and meanwhile for jeno, renjun and haechan, they're all sitting side by side on the couch, head resting on each other's as they try to be strong for chenle.

 

" he's gonna be okay right ? " hyuck asked, fingers playing with the bracelet on his right wrist: a present chenle gifted him for his thirteenth birthday.

 

" he's our chenle, he'll be, " the oldest of the three tried to joke but the crack of his voice at the end proved otherwise.

 

" he'll be okay, i promise you two he'll be okay, " jeno whispered out, tightening his hold on the two's hand.

 

the sobbing mess at the back could not be compared to the heavy tears falling from jaemin's eyes. it couldn't be compared to the gnawing pain in jaemin's heart or the huge amount of fear and relief in his body. " nana hyung, " and that was all it took for jaemin to break down in sobs before moving forward to bring the younger into his embrace, hiding his face in the crook of chenle's neck.

 

" i'm okay hyung, i really am, " chenle assured, hands wrapping around jaemin's waist to give the comfort the older needed. they both stayed in the embrace of each other for minutes, both basking in the relief and comfort of knowing that jaemin was on time and that chenle is safe. " i love you _so much_ chenle, please always remember that no matter what, " jaemin said before landing a long kiss to the younger's forehead.

 

palms on both side of chenle's cheeks, he gently wiped the few stray tears with his thumb before wrapping his arms around the younger's shoulder and pulling him into a hug.

 

" you'll be okay chenle, "

 

" i'll be okay hyung, "

 

 

 

 

 

 

weeks later, it was nct dream's comeback stage. the concept was more on the soft and vulnerable side: portraying the struggles and issues of growing up alone in an unknown place. and that meant soft colors, short length for outfits in which chenle was insecure about.

 

he was wearing a lilac short sleeve button up tucked into a pair of white khaki knee length shorts. that's the thing. his attire was _short_ , _too short_ to cover his scars. the white lines and the brownish protruding lines that littered the expense of his forearm would definitely be noticeable under the bright stage lights and camera zooms.

 

chenle was too busy panicking that he didn't realize that he's been standing at the door of the dressing room for five minutes until renjun called him.

 

" chenle, what's wrong baby?" the older whispered as he took a stand next to the younger.

 

" m-my arms ge, they're gonna look so ugly and this is our first stage and i'm already screwing up the overall visuals. ge i'm _stressing_ out, " chenle confessed, his voice growing quieter by the second. and renjun could only sigh in sadness internally before interlacing his and chenle's hands together and bringing them towards the waiting room where the dreamies and 127 were waiting.

 

" renjun! chenle! there you are- wait, what happened? " jaehyun who noticed them first, immediately giving his attention to chenle as he shooed renjun away who rushed to do his make up. " chenle, what do you need? " the older asked as he stood in front of him for chenle to able to focus on one person.

 

" i-i need nana hyung. jae hyung w- _where's_ nana hyung, _please_ i need him, " chenle rambled, hands fisting the hem of his shorts, eyes welling up with tears due to panic. jaehyun noticing the impending panic attack decided to call out for jaemin who came by their side within seconds.

 

" i'm here chenle. hyung is here, you'll be okay. hyung promise, " jaemin whispered softly as he cradled chenle's face to his chest, his free hand gently rubbing soothing circles on his back. " i'm scared hyung, what if i ruin our stage visual with my ugly scars, " chenle mumbled out, hands fisting the back of jaemin's top. and jaemin could care less about the wrinkles on his top. all that matter was chenle right now.

 

" you could never, chenle. these scars and cuts are evidence of your strength and struggle. you worked so hard to be where you are now and these are the evidence for them. I and the rest of nct and even nctzens love you for who you are. hyung is so proud of you chenle. always remember that. that hyung is always proud of you and that hyung loves you, " jaemin ended his little ment with a slight poke to chenle's ticklish side making the boy let out a soft giggle. and jaemin couldn't help but let out a soft smile before pulling away from the younger. looking at chenle, he saw that he was smiling despite the noticeable small tear track on his cheeks.

 

" thank you hyung, "

 

" anytime chenle, now go get your make up redone okay? "

 

" okay hyung, "

 

jaemin smiled a little when he sees the younger being pulled into side hugs by the members as he made his way to the make up the desk where renjun greeted him with a soft pat to his head. things will start to be okay. chenle will be okay soon.


End file.
